The Burning Bush

This is a hard one for me. It’s more written in frustration after hearing another story of a brave woman who is doing her best to protect her kids and herself from an abusive father/ex-husband. I fully accept that G-d gives us challenges so intense that it takes our breath away. What I find tragic and unacceptable is that people make it harder. We are not victims of our circumstances, we are survivors of our circumstances, yet sometimes we are your victims. Victims of slander, of pity, of judgement, of communities who don’t know the truth but assume they do. I am privileged to hear so many heartbreaking stories and I hope someone will read this and recognize the consequences of that type of behavior. 

We do what we have to in order to survive this life. We find comfort and enjoyment wherever we can and we hope you don’t judge us to harshly for we are not you. We use whatever means possible to get through what you don’t even imagine our lives are. We turn to books or to music or to food or to drink or to hours of mind numbing screen time. We are currently surviving. We survive sickness or abuse or divorce or loss of jobs and friends and family and community. Whatever we are going through, it’s harder then we imagined and we are actually surprised we got out of bed today. We are all being tested and challenged and broken and healed. We are quiet in our deepest pains and fears and bite our tongues when you think you know. What good will it do trying to reason with people who know what’s best for you but don’t know who you are. Why waste an ounce of our precious energy trying to explain the way we cope when you don’t care what it is we are living through. You are not the one drying our tears, you don’t even want to recognize the tears. This life we all get to live is our journey set out to us by G-d to reach a destination only He knows. So why judge us that our path is not your path, that our way is not your way? If it makes you uncomfortable just move aside. Don’t be part of the problem. The ones who sit on their thrones in judgement and gather in the hen house clucking their “heartfelt” concerns for our wellbeing. Recognize that you are not given the vision of G-d to know what is in our lives and in our hearts and minds. Give us the dignity of honest support and love and friendship. Hold our hands and wipe our tears and silently bear witness to the struggle, or sit in your place of judgement reminding us all that you don’t approve and you would do it differently. I know that you like to pretend that life is a math equation, sterile and logical and if you do the right thing, you will succeed, but in your heart you know that is a falsehood. But that makes you fearful so you perpetuate the lie and punish those who have the bad fortune of knowing the truth. Every so often you catch a glimpse of that truth in the life of someone you come across and it enrages you so much. The loss of control the chaos of it all, it challenges all of your beliefs and instead of recognizing it, you punish the one who made you feel that way. You take the person surviving the storm and you make it worse. You punish them and condemn them and turn their storm into a blizzard. You, the righteous, and upstanding citizen. The do gooder and the educator. Let me help you understand this. The people you are hurting are the burning bush. They are in the fire and still living. They are living their worst nightmares and still feeding their kids but you are telling them to clean their kitchen. They didn’t voluntarily walk into the fire, they were put there with no choice but to survive and that is exactly what they are doing. You cannot gaze into the bush and live like you did before. So please, either take off your shoes or walk away. 

Making the Pieces Glow

Next Year in Jerusalem

Many years ago, we were taken out of slavery and taught how to live as free people. We became a nation at that time. A strong vibrant and shining example of goodness and kindness and righteousness in this world, that doesn’t always appreciate it. But this is just a prelude to the ultimate redemption. This is learning to live with faith despite the pain we all endure. This is trusting that G-d is good and that all of our suffering is for a reason. The final redemption will be so different. It will be understanding why all of that was so necessary but now we are completely redeemed. Free from our fears, from our past, from our pain, free from our challenges, free from our sicknesses, free from our guilt, and free to live without all of that. This is why we talk about it every year at the Seder. We started something and haven’t finished it yet. We started a journey of faith and growth and haven’t yet reached our destination. So let us check our map again every year and make sure we are still on the right path. The path that leads to “Next year in Jerusalem”. I am confident that we are on the right path, that G-d sees the good and that we will truly celebrate our ultimate redemption “This year in Jerusalem”

Have a beautiful and enjoyable Pesach. 

The Trachea Change

Every three months

We remove the lifeline and put in another. 

It’s necessary and seems so routine. 

But it feels like I might die

Every three months. 

I watch and hold his hand and look into his eyes because he can tell from my eyes if he is ok. 

So I lie, deep into my eyes. 

I watch and listen as he begins to deflate. 

The air escaping makes a gurgling sound. 

His chest falling and not rising. 

His eyes wide with fear looking into my lying eyes as I reassure him his next breath is coming. 

There is a calm frenzy getting the new one in and watching and hoping his chest will rise again. 

Cleaning the blood, making sure he is breathing well, cleaning more blood. 

When all is done, he drifts to sleep with the help of amazing drugs. 

I am still holding his hand looking at his eyes, 

so grateful that no one is looking at mine. 

Every three months.