Sunday, November 23, 2014

In Memory of the Holtzbergs

Six years ago, we experienced terror in our family. Far away, in Mumbai, with siblings I had never met. It was a long drawn out kind of terror. Knowing that they were being targeted and tortured and ultimately killed because they were spreading light. The biggest threat to the dark.  Over the next few weeks we all sat horrified as we learned the details of the attack and all about the beautiful family we lost.  When the tears stopped falling we all noticed we were not the same as we were before. We recognized the importance of family and of our mission. When we gathered together, we acknowledged that although I have never met you, you mean the world to me. I would do anything for you and would be heartbroken if any harm befell you.
Since my husband got sick, we have received an overwhelming amount of love and support, that I have always felt is a result of the Holtzbergs.  The pain of loosing fellow Shluchim was too great and something to be avoided at all costs. I know that this doesn't ease the pain, yet within the pain there is so much beauty. So many boys and girls bearing the names of these giants that continue to have such great influence over our lives.  The length we go thru to ease the suffering of our family members is a testament to the legacy of the Holtzbergs. They did not darken our lights they made us aware of how powerful it is. I am sure their holy Neshamas continue the fight upstairs, right next to G-d.
Very soon we will be reunited with all of our family. Our Patriarchs and Matriarchs, and the many giants we have lost.

Friday, November 7, 2014

When Crazy is Normal

Just when you get used to the new normal, it changes. Now most of the time, Yitzi is in bed. (A very comfortable bed - may I say). We are beginning to use the Tobii communicator. It will take a while to be fluent in it, but it is amazing. With his eyes, he selects letters and words and the computer speaks them, and his face lights up when he can tell you how happy he is that you came to visit. Hopefully the blog will continue soon. The little kids climb into bed and snuggle with him while they practice their reading. The older kids learn and review for tests with him. It is a very different kind of life, not at all easy, but so beautiful. All we have is time to smell the roses. Time slows down in that room. Each word takes time and every sentence a few minutes. I do a lot of the talking, which believe it or not, is not my norm. I was always a better listener and Yitzi, a better speaker. Now he is the listener and I, the talker. I don't talk about politics or sports or what is happening in the world, because I want to keep it positive and I know nothing about sports. When I was thirty I learned that "The house that Ruth built" is not the Bais Hamikdosh. Imagine spending hours talking about good things, our children, and all the beauty around us.  It is not so easy.  All I need is his smile, and thank G-d, I get that a lot.  I do get to complain to him -thank G-d, because that comes naturally to me.  I almost think he enjoys that as well.
I don't wish this life on anyone, but I do wish you would take the time, and smell the roses. Love the smiles of your family, speak and listen, and take the time before it takes you.  Put what is important in your life on the front burner.  Fix your regrets, and forgive those who have wronged you.  Be full of love, hope, and joy as often as possible.  Allow your imperfections to be what they are, and not who you are.  Do not define yourself by your weaknesses and sad moments, you are so much more then that.  Acknowledge your pain and put it in its place.  Yet most of all, stare each other in the eyes and smile from your heart.