Sunday, December 14, 2014

Highs and Lows

Last Chanukah, we all prepared the menorahs with so much joy and excitement. We love Chanukah. I watched Yitzi prepare his menorah, shine it, set it up, and light the Shamesh. Suddenly his joy turned to confusion, now what?  He could no longer speak, and no longer make the blessings. I quickly turned to our oldest son and said "Please make the Bracha with Tatty".  A moment of surprise, followed by a moment of grief, then a beautiful smile and with his head held high, he made the Bracha with (for) his father. Almost the same voice, the same tune, and the same smile. At the first opportunity, I ran to my room to fall apart. All I could think of, was how much we had lost. I cried half of Chanukah (at least), until I finally caught myself. I refocused on all we still have and all we have gained. It was a monster of an effort, but it worked.
So here we are again. Comparing this year to last, wondering why I didn't appreciate what we had.  I had a husband that could walk, and dance, and light the menorah.  We were not bed bound, he could communicate with his phone.  And here I am, wondering if I will go through this again next year.
Is there a way to skip the first part, where I cry for days, and just focus on the amazing blessings we have?  I don't even know how to do that.  There is a cycle, with highs and lows. You can't just skip around can you?  My moments (or days) of fears and pain have always helped me to a greater understanding and a closeness to Hashem.  How can I do that without ruining Chanukah?  I honestly don't know. I have two days to figure it out.

Monday, December 8, 2014

I am with you

I will be your arms
I will be your legs
I will be your voice
I will be your entertainer
I will be your translator
I will be your link with the outside

You will be my heart
You will be my soul
You will be my best friend
You will be my strength
You will be my inspiration. 

And when you can
You will dance with me
You will sing with me
You will speak with me
You will eat with me
You will change the world with me

Until then
I wait with you
I dream with you
I pray with you

I am with you

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Today is a very special day for me. 19 years ago Yitzi and I got engaged. It was the beginning of our very special journey together. I knew then I had found a Prince. Not just from the perspective of a starry eyed 21 year old.  It felt like we were continuing something that had started thousands of years before. I recognized something unique in Yitzi the first second I saw him. I had never seen someone so happy, so full of excitement and life. I feel the same way now, just a lot more tired. Little did I know the kids would all have his energy.
Our lives together have been extremely blessed, and may it continue to be so for many more years.
Today I want to Bless you, who have yet to find your Prince or Princess. You should know that Hashem has a special plan for you and a special person for you. We do not always see our pathways laid out nicely in front of us. That is because we are royalty, we are the children of the King. We are not the ones behind the scene planning and arranging, we just show up with our best self possible, and Hashem takes care of the rest.  Be your best self, and trust in Hashem to make the plans. May we all say L'chaim together soon, at your L'chaim and wedding.