Why I Am a Zombie

There are times when life is hard and that's just how it is. There are other difficulties which are unnecessary and on top of everything else, can drive anyone crazy.  One would think that my most significant problem is that my husband has ALS. We have 7 children from the ages of 8 - 18. They are wonderful and special and scared and hurting. Yes, that is the most significant problem we face, but not the most difficult.  We have a nurse problem. For the past 6 months the agency which we use (covered by the medical waiver program) has been canceling on us left and right. Some times they give us notice and sometimes they don't show up. Sometimes I find a replacement and many times I do it myself. That means up all night at least once a week and sometimes many more times. When we find a replacement it is out of pocket, and that is an additional difficulty. This week out of 14 shifts they are supposed to cover, only 6 are covered. We have been working with other agencies and in 6 weeks they still cannot find FOUR nurses. So  if you see me, and I am a wreck, be kind. If I forget parent teacher stuff, forgive me. If I can't remember if we've met before, just let it go. I am tired. My kids need me and not only is their father unavailable but so is their mother (insert guilt here). My problem is, this shouldn't be a problem. There are agencies that get paid to do this and they just don't. I am fortunate that I don't have to make a choice between feeding the family, paying medical bills and abandoning my husband. There are people who have to work to live and leave their loved ones alone and in great danger. Lucky me, I can just cancel everything and stay home. That being said, we have had some wonderful nurses, but the overwhelming majority are the most flakey, irresponsible people I have ever met. I could write a book of what we have endured the last half year. There is no reason for any of this. A few more dollars and personal accountability would go a great distance. If there was a database that all nurses are entered in, anyone can tell if they are reliable or not. If you don't show up to your job, you shouldn't be able to find a new one tomorrow. It seems like people have forgotten that they are dealing with human beings. I understand that the state would like us to send my husband to a home, and therefore make it very difficult to get proper care, but that is not the value system this county was founded on. Family is important, dignity is important, responsibility is important and of course, sanity is crucial.