Wednesday, November 30, 2016

The War Paints

I wake up in the morning and stare at my reflection and wonder how well can I hide it all today. Somewhat expertly I apply the mask of the day. It's my war paints and I can't go out without it. It hides the lack of sleep and the sadness, the pale cheeks, and the fact that I am getting older. It makes me feel stronger. I am playing the part of a women who has it all together. Get dressed, put on whatever costume I feel I need that day. The days that are ok, the mask is less intricate. It's really myself that I am trying to convince. Get up, get the kids up, breakfast, lunch, take them to school..... You know, like all mothers do. If I look the part, maybe I can play the part. Just keep going, and don't stop long enough to think. But somedays, the memories slip out of my eyes and down my cheeks. They wash away the war paints and I'm stuck staring reality in the face. Its not nearly as ok as I seem. Most of the time I fight that. G-D forbid should we be sad, let G-D down, let my family down, let myself down, let you down. But sometimes I am too tired to fight and my masks are not working. Sometimes it's ok to not be ok. But tomorrow I will probably buy new lipstick and see if that fixes it all. 

14 comments:

  1. Its always ok not to be ok. But it does help your inside if the outside is "painted" to look the part. Hugs to you, my friend. Be weak if you need to be, be strong when you need to be. Be YOU!!! (I love YOU!)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sending you my love and some of my strength.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ooo, my eyes are watering. Love to you and yours.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lots of prayers sent your way. Hoping for the best for you and your family and a Refuah Schlema for Rabbi Yitzi :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sending you lots of love, hugs and prayers, Dina. We're all with you. <3

    ReplyDelete
  6. You are magnificent. The ability to express oneself with words is a gift. One with which you were blessed. Not only do words serve you well - they serve your readers well, too. Cuz hey, if you can face the world (wearing war paint or not) while battling this epic fight - then certainly
    we can weather our smaller battles. Chazak.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You describe your raw feelings so beautifully. I'm heartbroken and inspired. May Moshiach come very soon. Thank you Dina for all that you do!

    ReplyDelete
  8. You are both, such warriors.
    Very inspiring.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Thank you for giving me the permission to sometimes not cope! We all have our challenges, some worse and some better. Talking for myself, we have to embrace them and rise above. You r doing magnificently and I will read on so I can have some of that coping rub off on me. I have been fighting my situation, it doesn't help. Hashem put us here to do something. We have to find what that is and try to find the good. However difficult that may be.

    ReplyDelete
  10. you are a true inspiration to all
    may Hashem continue to give you the strength to be the amazing person you are

    ReplyDelete
  11. life is full of nisyonos, our job is to become greater and stronger thru them. what a fantastic job you are doing, what a role model you are!

    ReplyDelete
  12. life is full of nisyonos, our job is to become greater and stronger thru them. what a fantastic job you are doing, what a role model you are!

    ReplyDelete
  13. This blog is having the very nice information about soldier's true sacrifice. Here we can have all the information about it.


    soldier's true sacrifice

    ReplyDelete