Hiding in the Corner

Last night I went to my first Chai Lifeline party.  There were a lot of people there, way too many people there.  I knew very few of them.  They look like normal families, just like mine.  Occasionally you see someone that has obvious signs of sickness, but most were people you see every day and have no idea what they are living through.  My reaction took me by suprise.  I didn't want to meet anyone.  I could not bare the thought of all the pain, the fear, the struggles that everyone was going through.  I didn't feel strong enough to handle any of it.  So I did the only thing I could think of, I hid in the corner.  Yes, you heard me right.  I was too afraid to make eye contact for fear of seeing what I feel reflected back at me.  I actually shocked myself.  I did not expect to have this reaction and I'm sure that if Yitzi were there he would be talking to everyone, and I'm kicking myself for not being more like him.  Then this very nice lady says to me, "Are you hiding in the corner?". I answer affirmatively.  "Can I hide with you?"  Of course you can.  It was both of our first event and we were both a bit overwhelmed to say the least.  One of her daughters is battling Cancer and thank G-d, seems to be doing well.  We spoke for a while, we have friends in common, and I met three of her four lovely children.  I am not sure if she was really hiding or just being nice, but I was sad to see her go.  The room itself was super happy.  A lot of good food, art projects, loud music and dancing.  I did find myself dancing a little but still in my corner. The kids were having a fantastic time.  I tried to imagine how the volunteers of Chai Lifeline manage.  All I can come up with is that they are angels from G-D.  Their mission is to make the sad happy, the lonely feel loved, and the weak feel strong.  And if that is not possible, they will hold you up until you can stand on your own.  My next party will be different.  I will find the courage to step away from the wall.  These are not just people with pain, these are people with strength.  I hope I can be more like them.

Chai Lifeline is a non profit organization that helps families that are battling serious disease.  Look them up, they are amazing.