Year in Review - Part 1

As the new year approaches, I've been thinking a lot of this past year.  Last year Rosh Hashana, Yom Kippur, and Succot we were in Temecula. We walked to the synogogue, and ate holiday meals together. My husband looked strong and healthy although he couldn't speak anymore and was having a lot of trouble eating. We were home with our community in our very precious Chabad House.  It's true I was preoccupied with trying to get a feeding tube put in and how ridiculous insurance companies are.  Yet we were so confident that our miracle was just around the corner.  I can't seem to wrap my head around the changes since then. How does that happen in one year?  It honestly breaks my heart. My children have been through so much, how is it possible for them to still smile and laugh?  It is kind of embarrassing to say, but my faith is struggling. I know many intelligent debates of G-d's plans and everything is for the good, yet I am perhaps too selfish to care about the long term good.  My soul is being held hostage and G-d is not telling me what the ransom is. We are stuck in this struggle of think good and it will be good, and the reality in front of us. Today the struggle is very heavy, perhaps tomorrow I will remember all of the amazing things we got to experience this year.